WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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