My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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