Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
