Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
