I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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