I hate your face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
