I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just had sex bonerless
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
