Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
