I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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