Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
