whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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