Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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