I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
