No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
