If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
