I need to stop coming to work sober
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
