Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
