Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
