This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
