Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
