you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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