I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
