So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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