It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize