just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
