I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
