Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
