Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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