his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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