I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
