i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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