Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
