my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
