Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
