Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
