If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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