Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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