Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
