then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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