my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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