she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
