Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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