I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
