so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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