do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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