he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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