I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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