you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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