We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
