there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
