I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
