Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
