Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
