I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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