it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
organizing the empties. That sober.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
