I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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