it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
