No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
