dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
