Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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