Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
