i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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