Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
