I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
