I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
