I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
