i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
