don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
