Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
